new blog design

I tried out some new papers and stuff and here's my new design! How do you like it?

christmas illustration

Here's my final illustration assignment!

when God speaks

I haven't posted in a while....no excuses....so I'm moving on. :)

So the other day Blake and I were driving back to San Antonio and of course I was bored and needed something to fill my time. So what did I do? I started out asking Blake questions! :) At first it was things like what's your favorite color? favorite song? favorite movie? All things that I knew after almost 6 years of dating. Then I started to ask deeper more meaningful questions like what's your testimony? how is God a part of your life? Things that I knew, but always love to hear again.

Finally I got into questions that I didn't already know the answer to. One question and response that has stuck in my head over the last few weeks since the conversation was.....have you ever heard or experienced God talking to you? Not necessarily audible, but an obvious time where for a moment God opens our human eyes more than what is normal and reveals something about Him to us. Blake being the intelligent person that he is of course gave me an answer that I would have never expected or thought of.

He told me about a book by C.S. Lewis (I think probably Surprised by Joy) in which he talked about the difference between joy and happiness. He said that joy is in those moments when God allows our human eyes to see beyond what we usually can see or understand into the heavenly realm. For a moment we understand God a little more and cannot explain or sometimes even completely understand what we've seen, but we are forever changed. It is these moments when we experience joy. Lewis explains that there is a difference between joy and happiness. While happiness is based on our human emotions and our human existence, joy is based on our relationship with our God and his great love and mercy.

It makes me think of all times that I've heard that following Christ is not always easy and is not always full of happiness. By the grace of God I have lived a blessed life. I could never imagine how those Christians in the world that have hard lives because of their faith could go on. But what I've come to realize is that though their lives are not filled with happiness.....their lives ARE filled with joy. Something so much better that goes beyond our physical life and touches the eternal.

So today open your eyes, prepare your hearts and experience joy. I guess that's why that favorite Christmas song proclaims Christ's birth as our "Joy to the World".

thinking

It's been quite a while since I have posted on here. My life has been some what boring as of lately. Which I am not complaining because boring can be good. That generally means very little stress and not a whole lot to do. I have stayed busy, but not over the top busy like last school year. It's been pretty nice so far! Good start to my senior year.

So I woke up this morning with lots of thoughts going through my mind. You know how there are some mornings you wake up and your mind is blank. You can hardly think about anything and honestly you just think about rolling over and going back to sleep. Well that was not this morning. First I was thinking about some friends who I actually dreamed about. I don't remember what the dream was about, but I do remember they were in it. Of course as I always do when I think about someone intently that I don't always think about I began praying for them.

I continued to think. I thought about the money I have in my bank account (or the lack thereof!), I thought about Blake and his upcoming LSAT (prayed about that for a few minutes as well), I thought about my sweet little sister in China (more prayers), I thought about church this morning and what the message would be about. I thought about my family and when I'd be able to see them again. I thought about my cousins and how if I were still living with them I'd probably hear them playing at the moment (and actually that was unusual because I've been gone for over a month now and hadn't thought about that in a while!).

Anyways...I thought about other small and unimportant things as well. The list could go on and on. Basically the point I am trying to get at is......isn't it unusual when you stop and really think about the things you are thinking about?! I mean we live in a world with billions of people and right out side my window life is happening. Plants are growing, people are living and life moves on. But for about 20-30 minutes I am thinking and living inside my own head by myself, all alone. The Bible says that our sins go beyond our actions and the words that we say, but also the things that we think are sins if they are ungodly. God was a smart one when He made that point. :)

I leave you with this verse:

Philippians 4:8
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

portion yet again

About a month ago now I wrote a post about the word "portion" and how God is our very portion in the moment that we need Him to be. I added lyrics of an amazing song called "Healer" that says in it's chorus:

I believe you're my healer.
I believe you are all I need.
I believe you're my portion

I later found out that there was a story that went along with that song. The man who wrote it, who's name is Mike Guglielmucci, told the world that he wrote that song after finding out he was dying of cancer. For the last two years he has battled the disease spread his story worldwide. It has touched many people and drawn many to Christ. Even I was moved by the song and became overwhelmed each time I heard it played at church. About a week ago Mike Guglielmucci came out and told everyone that it was all a lie. He was not sick and dying from cancer. As expected the Christian community was devastated. There have been some hard hits in the past few years on the church, but nothing have I ever experienced or seen like this.

At first when I heard I had a mixture of feelings. I was angry, I was sad, I was overcome. It didn't impact me in a way that it did some, but it hurt non the less. I have thought about it a lot over the last few days. Now I have reached a point where I am so very sorry for Mike. What he did was wrong. He has hurt a lot of people. He deceived not only the church, but his own family. I have read stories of Christians who are angry. They remind me so much of the Pharisees during Jesus' time. Those "holy" men who were supposedly the leaders of the Jewish community and represented the Law. They stand back and judge Mike. Without even realizing it they say that they are better than him. They are more "holy" than him because they have not sinned like he has.

Again and again in this situation I am reminded of the story in John 8. The Pharisees brought a woman caught in adultry before Jesus. They tested Jesus and said according to the law she should be stoned to death. They wanted to know what Jesus thought. I have always been amazed at Jesus response. He said,

"He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her."

One by one the men dropped their stones and walked away for none were without sin. Mike needs the church at this time as he never has before. A blog I read recently talked about the popularity of the song. The writer questioned whether we were ever worshipping God or were we simply worshipping the song and it's writer. This entire situation has definitely caused me to re-evaluate my worship to God.

By God's plan we sang "Healer" in church this last Sunday. As we sang the words I could not help but cry out to God in prayer to be not only the church's healer at this time, but also Mr. Guglielmucci's. For at no greater time does Mike need God as his healer, possibly even more than he ever would have needed him to be if he did have cancer. So I rise up and sing:

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

I trust in you
I trust in you

I believe
You're my healer
I believe
You are all i need
I believe
You're my portion
I believe
You're more than enough for me
Jesus, you're all i need

Nothing is impossible for you
Nothing is impossible
Nothing is impossible for you
You hold my world in your hands

superhero party

Words need not explain....

first steps

So I don't usually blog about the piece of art that I've chosen for my "Art of the Week", but I just had to talk about this one. This painting is one of my favorites of Van Gogh's. I first saw this painting in a big book full of all his work that I got for Christmas years ago. When I saw it I just absolutely fell in love. I have always loved his art and his depiction of common people doing every day chores. But this one truly tugged at my heart strings.

I think that one of the most precious scenes in the whole world is the sight of a child taking their first steps. In this painting not only is it the precious scene of taking first steps, but the child is taking her first steps into her father's open arms. I hadn't looked at this painting in years, but I felt like God placed it on my heart again this morning. I was thinking about the adoption and all of our plans for our sweet Karleigh Mei. I then went and read my mom's blog and was touched yet again by the entire story. I've heard it multiple times, but it never ceases to amaze me.

In many ways our adoption has been like this painting. My family took our first steps of the adoption into our heavenly father's arms. We trusted that he would catch us if we were to fall and carry us if we couldn't walk anymore. And being the incredible and faithful God that He is, He did! Now here we are with just her picture and a small description of who she is and I feel like we are taking our first steps into God's arms yet again. Though we've taken many first steps before, these first steps are different than any others we've ever walked before. I feel like at times the distance between our area of comfort and God's arms gets longer and wider. But then I am reminded that this is where our faith comes in and we must trust that God would not beckon us to move and walk to Him if he didn't think we could make it.

When the time finally comes to go to China and pick up our baby girl this picture will be painted yet again. Same scene, fresh paint and canvas. This new scene though will be a little different. While on the sending end the picture will be of a Chinese nurse who has taken care of sweet Karleigh Mei for us all these years, the receiving end will be my parent's open arms ready to catch her if she were to fall and encouraging her that she can take those first steps into our lives. And lastly the child painted there will not be a poor peasant like Van Gogh painted, but a daughter of the King that is taking her first steps into the life God has always intended her to have.

sacred ruins

I found this poem while cleaning out my room that I wrote in Oxford after visiting several ruins of old abbeys. Thought I'd share...

Sacred ruins of years gone by
lay in such a heap.
Through wind and rain you've stood aground,
worn by traveler's feet.

Your colors faded dull with age,
against the grass so green.
Yet piercing the sky with your height
lay shadows upon me.

I walk your floors that once held men
of times so long ago.
In their steps I trace your life
and stories I'll never know.

my very portion

This past weekend at church I noticed that a lot of the worship songs that we sang said something about the Lord being my portion. I guess I had always just heard this word "portion" used and never really thought about the meaning of it. We sang a song from Hillsong called "Made Me Glad" that says in it's chorus:

You are my shield
My strength my portion
Deliverer....

And then in another song that we sang called "Healer" the chorus says:

I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are All I Need
I believe You're my Portion...

In both songs it talks of Lord not only being our strength, our healer, our shield and our portion. I have to admit I was slightly confused. If I learned anything from vocab in middle school I specifically remember that portion meant a part of whole. And that seemed like a strange term to be labeling our Lord. I mean when I think about the Lord being a part of my life I always think of Him as a part of my whole life not just a portion. And when I think of wanting the Lord to fill me I want him to fill all of me not just a portion.

So what did I do? I turned to the Bible. Because I knew that whoever wrote these worship songs must know what they are talking about and wouldn't have just lightly called the Lord their portion. I had a hard time finding portion used in the Bible in any other sense then talking about a part of the whole. It talked often of the sacrifices offered up to God and that they would offer a portion of the best lamb or goat. I finally found a few verse that used it in a different way. In Psalms 73:26 it says,

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

Again just as it was used in the songs. And in Psalm 119:57 it says,"

"You are my portion, O LORD; I have promised to obey your words."

Now that is in the NIV translation so I decided to look at it in The Message translation and it says:

"Because you have satisfied me, God, I promise to everything you say."

So I got to thinking maybe this portion they talk about is not saying a part of the whole, but that when the Lord acts as our portion he is, for lack of better words, just enough for me where I'm at and who I am. That at different points of my life I might need more or less, but he is always the portion that I need. Also when he is God to others he is "just the right" portion for them. It's almost like the story of Goldilocks. Papa Bear's portion was too hot, Mama Bear's was too cold, but Baby Bear's was just right. If Goldilocks had come the next day or even the day before she might have needed another portion, but that very day at that very time that was the portion she needed.

In this same way yesterday I might have needed a certain portion and even tomorrow I might need another portion, but today the Lord IS the very portion that I need. It is a good feeling knowing that though the portion I might need might change, God is an omnipresent and omniscient God so that no matter how much I change, He never will and because of that he will always be my portion.

So I pray:

Today, O Lord, be my portion.
Surround me and be what I need this very day,
this very hour, this very moment.
I trust in you alone and am content
in knowing that you will always be
my very portion.

new purse

I just have to share because I am soooooo excited. I ordered a new purse from Target that I have really really wanted for a while now and it is a limited edition so Target stores ran out quickly and I missed my chance to get one. So I went on line and found out they were 50% off online so I ordered one!! woo hoo! I am so excited for it to get here.



I was checking the package tracker this morning and it left Minnasota at 9:30am today! Does anyone know how long it takes to get here from Minnasota?!?!!!!!

peacock praise

So I've always been in love with peacocks. I just think that their colors are so incredibly beautiful. Basically my favorite colors are all the colors of a peacock feather: teal blue, green, chocolate brown, chartreuse, etc. The other day a girl asked me what my favorite color was and I just responded without even thinking, "Peacock". But to simply say it without a long explanation, that is my favorite color! :)

Walker came into my office the other day and noticed that I had a picture of a peacock feather as the background on my computer. He said, "Wow isn't that amazing! It's crazy that God created so complex a beauty on so simple a thing for our enjoyment." (or something along those lines!) It really is true. I have thought about that often, but never really put it into words like he did. I have become so "in love" with peacocks and their beauty, but what I have really become "in love" with is the amazing love of God that he would create that for me to enjoy. If I could thank Him for it I would just have to say as my Mom always says about things, "It makes me so happy inside." :)

To me a peacock feather is an outpouring of God's love for me to erupt in me an outpouring of praise to Him. And because of that I can't help, but praise him! I guess that's why I want to include peacock feathers and that color scheme in my wedding one day because to me it will represent a part of God's love for me. Lately I have realized more and more that though a wedding is for us on earth it truly is a form of worship and commitment to God above. And I want my wedding to represent that in every way. I want my wedding to be a reflection of God's love and glory.

So the next time you see a peacock feather praise God for His amazing love and beautiful handiwork made just for you!

consuming the world

There are those things in life that I stress over it would seem like constantly....money, work, school, what my future looks like, etc. I put so much effort and energy into just simply thinking about those things. Why? Why do I even waste my time? Yesterday morning I discovered that I had overdrafted my bank account by about $0.60. That's all, but more than likely I will still have to pay fees. I was trying to make sure and deposit money as quick as possible so I looked in my wallet and only had $30 cash. ugh! I had to break down and ask my Dad for some money. Something I hate to do, but that's the "stage of my life I am in" as my mom told me once. I'm a poor beggar...

I've had a lot of questions lately about what I plan to do when I graduate. It hit me just the other day that I only have 1 year left of college and then I am truly in the real world. Fear seized every fiber of my being. I am ready, but I'm not. I'm brave, but I'm afraid. I look strong, but I'm weaker than I've ever been. I'm a fearful child....

I got a call yesterday morning and found out that a family friend passed away in a motorcyle accident. He's a husband and father of 4 small boys. He was young and had much life to live still. Harsh reality hit me yet again. It always seems to creep up on me like that and catch me when I'm least expecting it. I'm but a single life on this earth...

It seems that in many moments in my life I am reminded of that old hymn "Great is Thy Faithfulness". My Mom just blogged about it last week. I can't help but find comfort in those simple words:

"Great is thy faithfulness, O God my father.
There is no shadow of turning with thee.
Thou changest not, they compassions, they fail not;
As thou hast been, thou forever wilt be."

It is in these moments when I am reminded yet again of his amazing faithfulness that I realize that I am no poor beggar, nor a fearful child and to God I am not just a single life on this earth. I AM a daughter of the king, a brave follower of Christ and I am a life that is here to praise God daily and spread His glory. I no longer want to live in fear and stress and no longer want to just take up space and breathe air. I want to consume the world with the love of Christ and drench the air with his glorious wonders. No longer can I dwell on the things of this earth, because I can't help but long for the treasures of eternity.

So I will sing...Great is thy faithfulness, great is thy faithfulness, GREAT is thy faithfulness...O God my father.

new realm of worship

I haven't posted in quite a while because I have been so busy recently with work. I am now working at Gateway Church in the worship department for my uncle and am really enjoying it. It's been a really different and interesting experience because I have never been involved in the worship department of any church. It opens my eyes to both the positives and negatives and thankfully there are way more positives! :)

At times I feel like an outsider looking in....not in the sense that I am not being included, but just that my talents and abilities are very different that what everyone else is gifted in, in this office. I am so use to being in college working constantly with the people in my major, so we all can relate with one another and are interested in the same things. Here I can hardly relate because usually I have no idea what they are talking about! haha!

But one of the coolest things about this job that I was just telling one of the pastors here the other day is that I feel like I am being paid to learn more about God and to grow in my spiritual life. I am learning so much about worship and how that affects and builds my relationship with God. It's just so cool and so enjoyable.

Anyways...that's all for now. Post more later!

my life at the beach

I am now living with my Aunt and Uncle because I will be working at a church this summer near their house that my Uncle also works at. I will be doing media related stuff and work for the worship team specifically. I will post more after I have started and have more to tell about that. BUT what I am writing about now is my life here in this home with my three cousins: Noah who is 4 and Grayson and Dawson who are almost 2. It's been loads of fun already! :)

There are some things that happen in my daily routine now that don't usually happen. For instance when I am getting ready in the morning I have a little helper....sometimes two! But on this particular morning I only had one:

That is Dawson and he is very fond of the hair dryer and likes to brush and blow dry his hair while I am doing mine.









Currently I am also listening to Barney going on in the other room. My day revolves around rah rah (raisin bread) in the morning, caaaahhhh (car) when we are playing and da da (anything and everything you want it to be) when we are doing just about anything else! I was working on stuff for my Etsy Shop yesterday (which you should check out at www.abeauideal.etsy.com) and I had a 4 year old helping me with everything!

Anyways....I will post more when I have more time!

family beach photo

the good, the bad and the very ugly

When you are cleaning things out....and packing up in my case....you find many things, both good and bad. I was very happy to find both pairs of my sunglasses that I thought I had lost. They were both under my bed, more than likely stolen by the ol' under-the-bed and eat-all-your-stuff monster. So I was pretty excited about that. Now like I said you also find things that are bad and more often than not those bad things are found in your refrigerator. The dreaded task of cleaning out that beastly monster. Warning to all reading: I grow more things in my refrigerator than my grandma grows in her garden.

So I finally decided to attack that foul beast and just get it over with. I figured tonight would be better than tomorrow morning. But now I realize it was a bad idea because I am will probably have nightmares from what I found. It was all going well. Nothing too bad. Some fuzz on my strawberries. Some icky, who knows what dried to the bottom of my sour cream. Even some rank smelling yogurt. All of these things I can stomach. What I found that was probably the most disturbing thing I have ever seen was in the most unexpected place.....the bottom of our Brita filter. Now mind you we haven't used that filter in months, which is probably why this growth was there. It had a little water in it that had sat for months and the filter was just long enough to sit in the water.

There are 4 little circle filter thingys. Three of them had some definite spotty mold growing on them. Or possibly mildew. Which is gross in itself, but I could handle that compared to what was on the fourth. It was a jelly like slime that covered the filter and was oozy. Sick! It gives me chills just thinking about it.

It scared me so bad that I decided to take a picture to share it with all of you! :)



Gross, huh? Anyways....I hope it's ok with you Whitney, but I threw the entire thing away. I am willing to just invest in an entirely new one....or maybe just NEVER AGAIN!

rachel and grady.....zoey too!

These are some photos I took of a friend of mine for her engagement! We had a lot of fun and some interesting experiences while taking them! :)

growing up

So you know when you have those times in your life that you are so busy and you are going and going and going and going, hardly have time to slow down and see the world around you. You actually end up running so quickly through life that it seems you lap the rotation of the earth. When all of a sudden.......you stop! And you look around and life just seems so peaceful around you. Birds are still chirping like they always use to, the wind is still a simple breeze across your skin like it always was, the new spring leaves have come in as usual. But you have changed. You don't know how, or why....but you have. The world doesn't seem the same and yet it is. All those things that you remember are still continuing on in their path and in their ways, but something has changed. It is you. Not for the bad necessarily, just changed.

Maybe you've grown a little taller, but that doesn't seem possible when you haven't grown an inch since the sixth grade. Maybe the world has gotten a little shorter, but no, that is not possible either. Has the moon shown it's dark side? Has the sun begun rising in the west? Has the grass gone blue and sky gone green? Has everything you've ever known changed? Or simply, have you just grown?

Not in stature or beauty or strength or knowledge or even in talents. You've grown in familiarity of Christ's grace. You've grown in the understanding of His love. But most of all you've grown in the desire of His overwhelming peace and comfort. And you've come to realize that though this world is your home it is not your resting place. And though you cannot have grown taller or the world have gotten shorter, you have become just that much closer to heaven and the eternity we now live for.

caspian and crowder....character of a theologian and a character who is a theologian

So yesterday evening Blake, I and a few friends went to see Prince Caspian, the next Chronicles of Narnia movie. I have to say it was a very, very good movie. Even better than the first one, in my opinion. I am going to try and not give any spoilers in this post, but I just have to tell this really cool Bible verse that I came across right after I saw the movie and how it relates.

Ok, so I have also been reading the book by David Crowder called Praise Habit: Finding God in Sunsets and Sushi. It's a great book. He looks at like 20 of the Psalms and how they relate praise in different ways. So in the movie last night there is a point when the four kids (Peter, Susan, Lucy and Edmund), who were once kings and queens in Narnia, are back in Narnia and find themselves in a situation that is obvious that they will have to go to war. The Narnians against a new race the Telmarines who have invaded the land. At this point in the movie we have still not seen the mighty Aslan, who quite clearly is the representation of Christ in the story. The girls beg Peter to wait for Aslan before going to fight. Peter, however, has lost hope in Aslan and says that he is tired of waiting for him.

During this scene I couldn't help, but think about how we too do this in our own lives with Christ. We lack faith in the fact that Christ is always there by our sides. Many times we simply choose not to see Him because of our lack of faith. When I came home from the movie I read a chapter in the book before going to bed. To my surprise the Psalms of that chapter was perfect to the scene I just described in the movie. It is Psalm 74 and says in The Message:

"You walked off and left us, and never looked back.
God, how could you do that?
We're you very own sheep;
how can you stomp off in anger?

Refresh your memory of us--you bought us a long time ago.
Your most precious tribe-- you paid a good price for us!
Your very own Mount Zion-- you actually lived here once...

While your people were at worship, your enemies barged in,
brawling and scrawling graffiti.
They set fire to the porch...
They burned your holy place to the ground,
violated the place of worship...

Why don't you do something? How long are you going
to sit there with your hands folded in your lap..."

In the movie Narnia had been taken over by the Telmarines long before the children had returned. Like this Psalm all of the Narnians were angry that Aslan had not returned to help. The Telmarines had destroyed Aslan's beautiful world. I will not describe anymore of the movie so as not to give any more plot away. But I can not help but see the true evidence of God's Word in C.S. Lewis' story. A story made into a movie that will be watched by thousands, if not millions, of people around the world. Who will go purely for entertainment, but will be witnessing an allegory of the very Word of God.

beau ideal

I was helping my friend Jennifer last night make her own blog and was trying to think of good names for her blog. I love to use good ol' thesaurus.com when I am trying to think of catchy names. At one point I was looking for a synonym for "mirror". When using the word mirror like the word model they gave the definition: one that is worthy of imitation or duplication. I thought that this definition of mirror was perfect for how Christ is in our lives. We should yearn to be a duplication and an exact imitation of him in our own lives for only He is worthy!

One of the words they gave as a synonym was "beau ideal". I had never heard that term before so I thought I'd click on it to see the exact definition of that word. It said: a conception of perfect beauty; a model of excellence. I couldn't help but get excited over this word. It IS what Christ is in our own lives. He is our beau ideal.

We hear the word "beau" used often as a person that a girl is dating or in love with. In a way Christ is my beau. I am completely in love with Him and want so badly to spend my time with him. In old movies you see girls so anxious about hanging out with their beau's. They want so badly to be near them all the time. I too am anxious to be near my beau. But not just my beau, but my beau ideal.

Funny how words can take on a new meaning when you truly examine them. I decided to see if the blog name "a beau ideal" was avaliable and it was! So I went ahead and grabbed it and created the blog. Not sure what I will use that blog for, but I am sure in the future a need will arise. Maybe a wedding planning blog?! :)