first steps

So I don't usually blog about the piece of art that I've chosen for my "Art of the Week", but I just had to talk about this one. This painting is one of my favorites of Van Gogh's. I first saw this painting in a big book full of all his work that I got for Christmas years ago. When I saw it I just absolutely fell in love. I have always loved his art and his depiction of common people doing every day chores. But this one truly tugged at my heart strings.

I think that one of the most precious scenes in the whole world is the sight of a child taking their first steps. In this painting not only is it the precious scene of taking first steps, but the child is taking her first steps into her father's open arms. I hadn't looked at this painting in years, but I felt like God placed it on my heart again this morning. I was thinking about the adoption and all of our plans for our sweet Karleigh Mei. I then went and read my mom's blog and was touched yet again by the entire story. I've heard it multiple times, but it never ceases to amaze me.

In many ways our adoption has been like this painting. My family took our first steps of the adoption into our heavenly father's arms. We trusted that he would catch us if we were to fall and carry us if we couldn't walk anymore. And being the incredible and faithful God that He is, He did! Now here we are with just her picture and a small description of who she is and I feel like we are taking our first steps into God's arms yet again. Though we've taken many first steps before, these first steps are different than any others we've ever walked before. I feel like at times the distance between our area of comfort and God's arms gets longer and wider. But then I am reminded that this is where our faith comes in and we must trust that God would not beckon us to move and walk to Him if he didn't think we could make it.

When the time finally comes to go to China and pick up our baby girl this picture will be painted yet again. Same scene, fresh paint and canvas. This new scene though will be a little different. While on the sending end the picture will be of a Chinese nurse who has taken care of sweet Karleigh Mei for us all these years, the receiving end will be my parent's open arms ready to catch her if she were to fall and encouraging her that she can take those first steps into our lives. And lastly the child painted there will not be a poor peasant like Van Gogh painted, but a daughter of the King that is taking her first steps into the life God has always intended her to have.

sacred ruins

I found this poem while cleaning out my room that I wrote in Oxford after visiting several ruins of old abbeys. Thought I'd share...

Sacred ruins of years gone by
lay in such a heap.
Through wind and rain you've stood aground,
worn by traveler's feet.

Your colors faded dull with age,
against the grass so green.
Yet piercing the sky with your height
lay shadows upon me.

I walk your floors that once held men
of times so long ago.
In their steps I trace your life
and stories I'll never know.

my very portion

This past weekend at church I noticed that a lot of the worship songs that we sang said something about the Lord being my portion. I guess I had always just heard this word "portion" used and never really thought about the meaning of it. We sang a song from Hillsong called "Made Me Glad" that says in it's chorus:

You are my shield
My strength my portion
Deliverer....

And then in another song that we sang called "Healer" the chorus says:

I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are All I Need
I believe You're my Portion...

In both songs it talks of Lord not only being our strength, our healer, our shield and our portion. I have to admit I was slightly confused. If I learned anything from vocab in middle school I specifically remember that portion meant a part of whole. And that seemed like a strange term to be labeling our Lord. I mean when I think about the Lord being a part of my life I always think of Him as a part of my whole life not just a portion. And when I think of wanting the Lord to fill me I want him to fill all of me not just a portion.

So what did I do? I turned to the Bible. Because I knew that whoever wrote these worship songs must know what they are talking about and wouldn't have just lightly called the Lord their portion. I had a hard time finding portion used in the Bible in any other sense then talking about a part of the whole. It talked often of the sacrifices offered up to God and that they would offer a portion of the best lamb or goat. I finally found a few verse that used it in a different way. In Psalms 73:26 it says,

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

Again just as it was used in the songs. And in Psalm 119:57 it says,"

"You are my portion, O LORD; I have promised to obey your words."

Now that is in the NIV translation so I decided to look at it in The Message translation and it says:

"Because you have satisfied me, God, I promise to everything you say."

So I got to thinking maybe this portion they talk about is not saying a part of the whole, but that when the Lord acts as our portion he is, for lack of better words, just enough for me where I'm at and who I am. That at different points of my life I might need more or less, but he is always the portion that I need. Also when he is God to others he is "just the right" portion for them. It's almost like the story of Goldilocks. Papa Bear's portion was too hot, Mama Bear's was too cold, but Baby Bear's was just right. If Goldilocks had come the next day or even the day before she might have needed another portion, but that very day at that very time that was the portion she needed.

In this same way yesterday I might have needed a certain portion and even tomorrow I might need another portion, but today the Lord IS the very portion that I need. It is a good feeling knowing that though the portion I might need might change, God is an omnipresent and omniscient God so that no matter how much I change, He never will and because of that he will always be my portion.

So I pray:

Today, O Lord, be my portion.
Surround me and be what I need this very day,
this very hour, this very moment.
I trust in you alone and am content
in knowing that you will always be
my very portion.

new purse

I just have to share because I am soooooo excited. I ordered a new purse from Target that I have really really wanted for a while now and it is a limited edition so Target stores ran out quickly and I missed my chance to get one. So I went on line and found out they were 50% off online so I ordered one!! woo hoo! I am so excited for it to get here.



I was checking the package tracker this morning and it left Minnasota at 9:30am today! Does anyone know how long it takes to get here from Minnasota?!?!!!!!

peacock praise

So I've always been in love with peacocks. I just think that their colors are so incredibly beautiful. Basically my favorite colors are all the colors of a peacock feather: teal blue, green, chocolate brown, chartreuse, etc. The other day a girl asked me what my favorite color was and I just responded without even thinking, "Peacock". But to simply say it without a long explanation, that is my favorite color! :)

Walker came into my office the other day and noticed that I had a picture of a peacock feather as the background on my computer. He said, "Wow isn't that amazing! It's crazy that God created so complex a beauty on so simple a thing for our enjoyment." (or something along those lines!) It really is true. I have thought about that often, but never really put it into words like he did. I have become so "in love" with peacocks and their beauty, but what I have really become "in love" with is the amazing love of God that he would create that for me to enjoy. If I could thank Him for it I would just have to say as my Mom always says about things, "It makes me so happy inside." :)

To me a peacock feather is an outpouring of God's love for me to erupt in me an outpouring of praise to Him. And because of that I can't help, but praise him! I guess that's why I want to include peacock feathers and that color scheme in my wedding one day because to me it will represent a part of God's love for me. Lately I have realized more and more that though a wedding is for us on earth it truly is a form of worship and commitment to God above. And I want my wedding to represent that in every way. I want my wedding to be a reflection of God's love and glory.

So the next time you see a peacock feather praise God for His amazing love and beautiful handiwork made just for you!